I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
