Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night I used snow as a chaser
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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