I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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