At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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