I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
