It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
