you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
