No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
