And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize