just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
then he tried to convert me to islam
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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