Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if only i could text you this smell
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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