Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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