haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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