how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
