He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
