We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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