Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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