He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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