Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
