I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
