dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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