i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
