I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
