I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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