Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
