There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
