dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
