ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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