I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
