you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
