I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FUCK WHALES
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
