he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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