your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
