I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
