So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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