Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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