My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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