Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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