in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
