So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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