All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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