he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
