can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
