If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
