Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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