giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
