Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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