i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
