we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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