I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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