When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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