I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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