just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
