I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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