I think im going to throw up on grandma
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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