I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
