the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
