Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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