Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
