im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
