did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did I show you my penis last night?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
