It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
