Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
