puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
