dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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