Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
