I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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