Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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