My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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