There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
