Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i will never coherently bang her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
