somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
