Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
