I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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