Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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