Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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